A Legacy Worth Remembering

During the scandalous affair that led to the impeachment trial of former US president Bill Clinton, a survey was taken to know what the public felt about it. One of the questions asked was, “Is he a good president?” About 80% said “yes,” and 20% said, “no.” On the other hand, when the public was asked, “Is he a good man?” 80% said “no,” and 20% said “yes.”

There was a time when character and integrity mattered to society. Today, we live in a society where integrity in character is no longer a requirement for leadership. You may be a successful businessman, a respected doctor, an accomplished architect, or a celebrated lawyer while at the same time be an unfaithful husband or an abusive father.

It has been well documented that the vast majority of issues that led kids to drug addiction can be traced to bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. And a good number of those relational issues involve their dads. Studies show that fatherless children are more likely to dropout of school and end up a juvenile delinquent than those who grew up with their dads.

You may well be doing something worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize but still end up creating more social problems whenever you set aside your role as a husband and a father to your wife and kids.

Our world is full of stories of men, who, in their search for greatness, lost their soul in the process and have sacrificed their family in the altar of success.

In her book, Man of Vision: The Candid, Compelling Story of Bob and Lorraine Pierce, Founders of World Vision and Samaritan’s Purse (2005), Marilee Pierce Dunker tells the story of her dad, Bob Pierce. Pierce founded World Vision and led Samaritan’s Purse. These two organizations combined have literally touched the lives of tens of millions of people around the world.

In the book, Dunker narrates the story of her sister Sharon who called on their dad while he was oversees to ask if he could spend more time at home since she was depressed and wanted to be with him. However, Pierce was already booked for an important event in Vietnam. Her mother decided to go home and discovered that Sharon was in a hospital and was recovering from an attempted suicide. When Sharon saw her mom, she replied, “I know you love me, Mama, but I just needed to feel Daddy’s arms around me.”

Whenever we choose to pursue something great at the expense of our family, we tear off a part of ourselves in the process. The nagging feeling we have whenever we leave our family behind is actually a warning that we are damaging our soul. Jesus said, “What profits a man if he gains the whole world but loses his own soul?”

Pierce’s hectic schedule did not change despite the ordeal, and in November 1968, Sharon committed suicide.

During my doctoral graduation, our speaker, Wes Stafford of Compassion International said, “Failure is to succeed in something insignificant.” Although people have different values and ideas of what accounts for significance in life, the older I get, the more I am convinced that significance is measured in terms of relationship and how you are remembered.

What kind of a person would you like to be remembered as? And more importantly, who would you like to remember you?

No one mourns for a man as dearly as his family. Yes, the world may remember and celebrate your contribution to society; they may even erect a statue in your honor. Then, after a while, you just become part of the landscape that people walk pass by. Yet, whenever I pass through a cemetery, I always see flowers offered on graveyards. Lonely figures reminiscing a time with their dearly beloved.

A true measure of a man is determined, not by his accomplishments, but by the impact he leaves both on the world and on his family. A man is truly accomplished, if, at the end of his life, his family could say, “He was a great dad!” or “He was a loving husband.”

So while there is time, let’s talk about leaving a legacy worth remembering:

1. Decide to live with purpose. What legacy would you like to leave behind? How would you like to be remembered? Life is more than just satisfying your cravings or accumulating wealth; it is more about relationships and making this world a better place.
2. Realize that life consists of relationships. If you continue to ignore this area of your life, one day, you will die alone. Wealthy, but alone.
3. Examine your life regularly. If you are not in the habit of self-examination, perhaps it’s time to pause and take a break. Write your thoughts in a journal and ask whether what you are doing is worth your time and energy.
4. Set yourself free. Forgive others and forgive yourself. Too often, the busyness of our lives is just a distraction to drown out all our bitterness and resentment.
5. Choose to provide moral leadership. A man is truly a man the moment he chooses to live for others instead of himself.

The great Billy Graham was interviewed toward the end of his life and this is what he said,

Although I have much to be grateful for as I look back over my life, I also have many regrets. I have failed many times, and I would do many things differently. For one thing, I would speak less and study more, and I would spend more time with my family… Every day I was absent from my family is gone forever.

In the end, family matters. I am convinced that if you have done nothing in this world but be a good father, you are already a hero. Remember, no amount of success can ever compensate for failure at home.