James and his father
Children with special needs are sometimes born with various medical conditions while others acquire disabilities after an illness. Our son, Gideon James, who has cerebral palsy, belongs in the latter category. He was born through normal delivery during my eighth month of pregnancy, but due to a very weak immune system, got very sick when he was 27 days old.
James spent 10 days in a pediatric intensive care unit and another 30 days in a private room. He had cardiac arrest twice, suffered from seizures, and required several huge tanks of oxygen during his first few days in the hospital.
Despite the overwhelming feeling of helplessness, my husband and I remained hopeful and trusted that God will see us through that difficult time. The Lord did and He continued to do so again and again and again these past 20 years of loving and caring for James and our other three sons.
One of the many things I am deeply grateful for in this journey of special needs parenting and faith is having a fully committed husband and father. I can say, with all honesty and pride, that Nonoy equally took on the task of raising our four boys while also doing his best to provide for our family’s needs.
Unlike other dads I know, my husband had no qualms about changing diapers, doing the laundry, or washing dishes among other “duties” some people still expect only women should do. I can even wake him up in the middle of the night to relieve me during overnight vigils whenever James does not feel well.
During his days off from work, Noy would also let me sleep a few extra hours while he competently attends to our son’s care. In addition, he helped me teach our other boys how to do household chores especially after we all decided we’re done hiring house helpers who turned out to be more of a nuisance rather than helpful assistants.
In the past 20 years of being dad to James, my husband has tapped into his inner McGyver countless times to fix or modify our son’s medical equipment and accessories. Expectedly, it has become a running joke among us that he should already apply for patents for his numerous “inventions.” But, no matter how silly some of them looked, the modifications have made things more comfortable for James and easier for us as his caregivers.
Having been married for 25 years now, I have seen over time how my husband transformed from a young, inexperienced new dad to the capable father he has become. Sure, we made mistakes along the way but what parenting adventures didn’t have those? I believe that the important thing is having the fortitude to keep on refining ourselves so we could become the mommies and daddies our children need and could look up to as good examples of parenthood.
Like everyone else, my husband is not a perfect human being – but I am fully aware that he is doing his best to be a good one. I’ve seen other dads who also have special needs kids being the same, and it is so inspiring to see these men taking on a deeper role as parents. I am sure their wives are likewise proud and grateful to witness firsthand how each of them readily stepped up to the plate and shined.
To the new dads (and moms!) who are just starting to learn the ropes of taking care of a child with special needs, take heart and have faith. Besides God’s grace, there are many people you are destined to meet who will readily help you find your footing in this sometimes scary but definitely rewarding journey. We have and we are deeply grateful.
It may be hard to understand and accept at first why we were chosen to be special needs parents, but I hope you’ll embrace the challenge, explore its possibilities, and permit it to expand your capabilities.
If you ask me, parents only become “special” (not in a narcissistic sense, mind you) if you allow your child with special needs to change your hearts and shift your perspectives for the better. Sooner or later, you’ll realize that you have to because your special child needs you to be one!
As we continue to celebrate fathers this month, let me say, “Cheers!” and “Salute!” not only to my better half, but also to the other exceptional dads we’ve met in this journey we wouldn’t otherwise have embarked on without the gift of having James.
Ruth Manimtim-Floresca is a wife, mom, writer, and editor. She advocates for the special needs community and the environment. This mother of four young men loves taking photographs of her family and the beautiful scenes nature has to offer. You can follow her adventures on Instagram (@ruthfloresca) and read other stories in her blog mommywrites.blogspot.com.
