A Strong-Willed Child Grows in Truth and Grace

Raised in a Christian household, I nevertheless did not fit the cookie-cutter image of what a Christian daughter ought to be: kind, pure and modest, responsible, and above all, submissive – traits nowadays frowned upon in today’s culture as conventional, restricting, and sexist. Ironic as it is, I was named after Daniel from the Bible, and was, in fact, born with the tenacity of a lion. I am a strong-willed character.

I loved challenging rules. It was my habit to question authority. A crystal clear memory I have from my childhood is my father’s favorite question every time I disobeyed him: “Are you testing me?” While other parents successfully disciplined their children with absolutes, my parents would badly fail if they used these on me. When my parents warned me that I would fall if I climbed up a tree (I was too young), I proceeded to climb up that tree. I wasn’t deliberately rebelling against them, only testing for myself to see if what they were saying was true. For me, being too young was not enough reason to fall from a tree — especially since it was the very same tree my (older) friends were climbing up. I needed to hold onto a more sensible piece of evidence to believe them — like me actually falling down a tree.

Despite that, when my father properly explained to me the principles of stewardship, I easily resisted my desire to demand for an expensive Barbie. Immediately, I saw the rewards of my obedience when my father bought me a doll when we had the budget for it. From that moment on, I’ve held a proper judgment between my needs and my wants, and I’d like to think that I’ve been handling my finances maturely because of how I was able to grasp the importance of good stewardship.

My parents have also taught me leadership, more through their personal example. Both my parents are excellent leaders, and I copied them as I saw that their manner of leadership worked with their mentees. Holding them as my primary leadership models, I successfully led several organizations through the years.

In a household with a strong-willed child, logical and empirical reasons for rules and regulations are crucial. Having the child understand the rationale behind things makes all the difference.

Transitioning into my teenage years, I grew more insistent with everything that I felt was true. If my parents used the because-I-said-so clause, our home would be a chaotic mess of outraged parents and a tantrum-throwing adolescent. Nothing would be settled until I fully understood where they were coming from. They couldn’t even use their favorite verse, Ephesians 6:1(“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right,”) against me. If they did, I would counter them with Ephesians 6:4(“Fathers, do not exasperate your children…”).

Parenting books would tell you that raising a strong-willed child is close to impossible. I know this, because, as a strong-willed child, I read parenting books to make sure that my parents knew what they were doing. I’m telling you, my parents might have done everything in their power to mold me into the ideal Christian daughter, but I still found my way around their rules to pursue my childish desires.

A strong-willed child will insist on what she deems correct. What a parent can do, then, is help her navigate through life by assisting her in building godly wisdom. Instead of dictating to her what is right and what is wrong, teach her how to discern what is true.

A parent will struggle to direct a strong-willed child towards a path that he or she does not believe in. Because of this, chances are great that the child will persist in following her own desires — only to find out that she is wrong. When this happens, forgiveness from the parent becomes most important.

Like everyone else’s, my parents were far from perfect as I was growing up: They had countless rules I felt that they could not justify. I had numerous questions they could not answer. But they have always accepted me, no matter what. If there was one thing I never doubted, it’s my parents’ love for me. It has surpassed every mistake I had ever committed growing up, and every consequence I had faced as a result of me testing the limits of authority.

Their irrevocable love for me is what has brought me as a young adult to ultimately trust in their authority. In a world speckled with lies masked as different versions of the truth, it is comforting for a child — whatever his or her age — to know that there are people who will see beyond her mistakes.

When rooted in biblical truth, a child will always find her way back to its wisdom. And a strong-willed child will most likely remain in these truths regardless of what the world deems normal.

Here’s the catch: For a strong-willed child to believe in biblical truth, she will need evidence that the Bible is a credible source. The best way parents can prove the tenacity of the Bible is through reflecting the very foundation of Christianity: that Jesus came down to earth to die for our sins. An unconditional love, and relentless grace.

Danielle Uy

Danielle Uy is a travel writer for TripZilla Philippines. On the side, she attempts to poeticize human narratives—sometimes for media outlets, but mostly for her own enjoyment.