Couple Goals

How can couples be better spouses to each other? Couples need to work together to keep the spark in their relationship and to build each other up. Here are some tips to help you think about making these goals a reality.

Grow in grace. Grace is such a lovely word. Grace has its roots in the unmerited, undeserved favor of God to man. God treats us with grace—with kindness, forgiveness, and favor.  If your name is “Grace”, you and your husband have a daily reminder of how to treat each other. Between husband and wife, grace is present when they forgive each other and refuse to open old wounds. When they don’t keep scores of their mistakes. When a partner doesn’t force itself on the other. Grace does things that would benefit the other. Grace showers blessings, gives beyond expectation, and serves with gladness.

 Overcome the temptation to give up on your relationship. Agree as a couple to work out your differences. If you feel you both need help, pray together and seek the advice of a trusted friend, a minister, or a professional counselor. Greg Laurie said, “Sometimes the feeling of love will pass, but they come back. But it’s not about feelings. It’s about commitment.”

 Accept and love your partner unconditionally. None of us is perfect. In fact, your husband may be kidding you about your belly fat, while you may be whining because he no longer has flat abs. Yet we have to accept our partner’s skin-deep imperfections and character flaws. One inspirational author said, “God sees in you a masterpiece about to happen.” We have to see our spouses the way God sees them, accept them, and encourage them to be the best person they can be. This often means being more patient and understanding towards our partners. Accept each other’s strengths and weaknesses, then learn to adapt.

Before we got married, I shared to my husband-to-be something about me that was unknown to people around us. I was relieved that he responded with much understanding and assured me of his unconditional love. In return, I’ve made it a personal rule not to criticize my husband in front of other people, but to talk to him gently in private about a matter that needs to be addressed. In such accepting and loving environment, both husband and wife will continue to flourish.

Live up to biblical admonition to couples. In Ephesians 5:22 in the Bible, wives are admonished to submit to their husband. I (Marlene) like the way The Message Bible renders verse 22: “Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ.” Submitting to your husband does not mean losing your voice or being a weakling. On the other hand, submitting to your husband means supporting him and becoming his source of strength.

In my book How to Make Your Hubby Happy, I (Marlene) shared some pointers on how wives can support their husbands. One way to do that is by expressing your admiration for his good qualities. Also, be there in his important events and milestones as well as when he simply wants your company. And don’t miss celebrating his achievements and successes. These boost your husband’s morale and draws you closer to his heart.

On the other hand, in the next verses, Ephesians 5:23-28, we see that husbands are called to lead and love their wives. In our book How to Keep Your Misis Happy, I (Anthony) mentioned that as the head of his wife, a husband is to lead. The husband is responsible in setting the spiritual temperature in the household, leading his wife and children to know and serve the Lord. Secondly, a husband is to love his wife. The word used here speaks of the kind of love Jesus demonstrated when He died for us sinners. When a wife enjoys this kind of love from her husband, it’s easier for her to submit to him. A husband is also to help his wife achieve what God has called her to do, supporting and making sure she receives affectionate love and encouragement as both of them grow in the Lord.

As couples, let’s make it our goal to grow in grace, overcome the temptation to give up on our relationship, accept and love one another unconditionally, and live up to biblical admonition for us couples.