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An interview with prominent marriage counselor, Rev. Clem Guillermo
on August 1, 2017
One year since his interview with FamilyWiseAsia.com, revered marriage counselor, Rev. Clem Guillermo, has since graduated to glory on July 25, 2018. Despite this changing world, his words keep us hopeful for marriage.
MJ: Marriage has been in the news lately, with the House Speaker’s proposed bill for dissolution of marriage, with the President admitting in his SONA lately that many of his peers in Congress, like him, have more than one family, and with a famous young celebrity defending premarital cohabitation, saying “It’s 2017”. With these developments in today’s world, it seems marriage is fast becoming just an option: people can get out of it, people don’t have to take it seriously, people who want a life together don’t need to get into it. Is marriage still relevant, even necessary?
CG: First of all, everything you said has already been prophesied in Scripture. The Apostle Paul said that in the last days, all these things will happen. Our world has turned for the worse, and we have witnessed the consequences of these things. Things have become more and more difficult. In my perspective as a marriage counsellor and as a pastor, God’s standards have not changed then and now. As far as God is concerned, the dissolution of marriage is a no-no. As I see it, people prefer convenience over the hard work involved in getting along and building the marriage relationship. Many would rather seek the easy way out, and such is the idea behind the dissolution of marriage.
MJ: Over your long years of experience as a marriage counsellor, you yourself have probably seen marriages crumble and threatened. Have you ever thought, “Why fight for it? Just give up. Why even go for it?” An unmarried family friend we have who is separated from the father of her grown children discouraged her eldest daughter from marrying the man she is living with so that she would be free to leave once they have trouble.
CG: Getting into a live-in arrangement is like going into a relationship and leaving the door open, so that if there are problems, one can easily get out. On the other hand, those who marry go into the relationship and lock the door behind them, so that if they face any problem, they would have to work on it because they have no one else but each other to fix it. And so I am still for the sanctity of marriage.
I want everyone to realize that there is always a way to fix a broken relationship between husband and wife- but they would need to work hard at it, be intentional, and do whatever it takes.
MJ: What about couples who do not necessarily acknowledge God – could you still make a case for marriage to them?
CG: I believe that couples who do not acknowledge God in their lives and marriage should still strive hard to make marriage work. Even if you take spirituality or even what God says out of the picture, what happens to the children? I have seen so many broken homes and broken relationships and the impact of this on children as they grow up. I handle the (counselling of) drug surrenderees in our barangay, and basically, one of the reasons why they’re into drugs is because of a broken home. So I still believe, in all practicality, that the marriage bond should be kept.
MJ: What is covenant marriage? How does it differ from other typical notions of marriage?
CG: Covenant marriage is a marriage between a man and a woman with God as their witness. The vow is always made before God. And if God is your witness, and then you break your vow, then you suffer the consequences. Their promise should be a lifelong promise between them.
I remember solemnizing a wedding ceremony one time. At the presidential table, a judge who served as one of the godfathers of the couple was seated beside me. He remarked, “Pastor, that’s just a piece of paper they signed.” I said, “Judge, I saw you arrive at the hotel in a Mercedes Benz. What if on our way out, I just take your Mercedes Benz?” “Then I’d have you thrown in jail!” he exclaimed. “What proof would you use against me?” I asked. “Why, I have all the papers, of course.” Then I retorted, “Judge, that’s just a piece of paper.” In other words, anyone who signed a marriage contract signed with his honor and integrity. Every signature we write down has value in it. When we sign the marriage contract, let’s do it with all integrity and with all we’ve got.
MJ: Still, the number of people getting married these days tells us that many people still believe in “forever”. In this day and age, how can they work towards a marriage that will last?
CG: I believe that when a man and a woman get married, believing this is God’s plan for their lives, God is able to work out all problems in the marital relationship. He can give us the strength, the courage, and the understanding we need to do so.
We often focus on broken marriages, but there are still a lot of marriages that are working. My wife and I will be celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary.
I want everyone to realize that there is always a way to fix a broken relationship between husband and wife- but they would need to work hard at it, be intentional, and do whatever it takes.
MJ: What about couples who do not necessarily acknowledge God – could you still make a case for marriage to them?
CG: I believe that couples who do not acknowledge God in their lives and marriage should still strive hard to make marriage work. Even if you take spirituality or even what God says out of the picture, what happens to the children? I have seen so many broken homes and broken relationships and the impact of this on children as they grow up. I handle the (counselling of) drug surrenderees in our barangay, and basically, one of the reasons why they’re into drugs is because of a broken home. So I still believe, in all practicality, that the marriage bond should be kept.
MJ: What is covenant marriage? How does it differ from other typical notions of marriage?
CG: Covenant marriage is a marriage between a man and a woman with God as their witness. The vow is always made before God. And if God is your witness, and then you break your vow, then you suffer the consequences. Their promise should be a lifelong promise between them.
I remember solemnizing a wedding ceremony one time. At the presidential table, a judge who served as one of the godfathers of the couple was seated beside me. He remarked, “Pastor, that’s just a piece of paper they signed.” I said, “Judge, I saw you arrive at the hotel in a Mercedes Benz. What if on our way out, I just take your Mercedes Benz?” “Then I’d have you thrown in jail!” he exclaimed. “What proof would you use against me?” I asked. “Why, I have all the papers, of course.” Then I retorted, “Judge, that’s just a piece of paper.” In other words, anyone who signed a marriage contract signed with his honor and integrity. Every signature we write down has value in it. When we sign the marriage contract, let’s do it with all integrity and with all we’ve got.
(Over the course of his lifetime, “Kuya Clem”, Rev. Clem E. Guillermo (Nov. 23, 1950-July 25, 2018) officiated many marriages, served as ninong to many married couples, and counseled numerouscouples and families. He was thesenior pastor of Proclaim His Name Christian Fellowshipin Quezon City and served as a marriage and family counselor as well as an alcoholism and drug addiction counselor. He also gave counsel over broadcasts at FEBC’s 702 DZAS radio station and was managing director of Back to the Bible Philippines. He was also the author of Handa Ka Na Ba sa For Better or For Worse? (CSM, 2015)and co-authored Family Life 101 (CSM, 2014). He is survived by his wife, Merlyn Labawan Guillermo, with whom he has two married children: Kathy Leah and Kenneth Rei.)
Michelle Joaquin is the editor-in-chief of Familywise Asia and is wife to Boris and mom to daughters Ysobel, 18, and Julia, 12.
