Photo by Tory Doughty on Unsplash
It was December 1998. I was five years old. I had just learned in Sunday school that if I asked for anything in God’s name, it would be given to me. And that time I really, really, really, wanted a spaceship for Christmas.
So as soon as I got home, I prayed to God, kneeling down (because obviously prayers are more powerful when you kneel down) and asked sincerely for a spaceship.
I could see it clearly in my head: a silver spaceship that would occupy the entire length of our garage. I could imagine the latch opening to reveal a lighted control room with a steering wheel at the center and multicolored buttons and levers all around. I could imagine flying my family to other planets or maybe just to Iloilo to visit relatives for Christmas.
I was so excited that I even wrote it down on my journal. In my best handwriting, I filled out an entire page with my Christmas prayer, even asking for the spaceship to be delivered by 8:00am. I laid out my journal by the window so God would clearly be able to read it from above. We had an oral and written agreement that day and knowing God, I knew He would not disappoint.
I woke up the next day with my heart beating out of my chest. I ran out of our house, not even bothering to wear slippers to see the spaceship I asked for in God’s name.
To my amazement, there was no spaceship in sight. Our garage was empty except for some potted plants and a green hose. I was confused. It was so simple. But where was my spaceship?
Twenty years later, I realise my prayers have changed. They’re less glamorous and more pragmatic now, no longer spoken out loud but through whispers. I pray for reasonable things adulting millenials like myself pray for:
God,
Please let me get to work on time.
Please give me discipline to budget and save.
Sana ma-approve leave ko.
Please provide so I can buy the best gifts for my family.
Grant me patience for when my titas poke around my “lovelife”,
Prayers also come in the form of questions.
Why am I always so tired?
Is this the right job for me?
Is this the best time to study again?
Did I make the right decision?
At this age, what exactly am I doing with my life?
I still pray but I no longer lose sleep in anticipation for the answer. I no longer wake up running. And I can’t remember the last time I kept a journal outside of Twitter.
The Christmas season is a reminder that I’m not a kid anymore and my generation no longer sits as the “youngest” of the population. December, the last month of the year, is the time when unfulfilled resolutions and promises of change come knocking. It is when I turn “on” my internal “GPS” locator to see where I am in my life, where I’m going, and whether I’m actually moving.
‘Tis a time of love, joy, and peace, yes, but it is also a time of reflection and responsibility, because the problems don’t go away just because we’ve put up decorations.
I remember an officemate once said, “ang pasko naman talaga ay para sa mga bata”. She’s right. But then I also remember the words, “my kingdom belongs to children, my kingdom belongs to the least of these”. And I remember that five-year-old, down on her knees, praying in the simplest words and the purest belief.
I want to remind all the millenials out there, who may be struggling, worried, or tired, that we don’t have to chase that “Christmas feeling”. It’s not something we must expect to feel like clockwork every December. And it’s not something to be outgrown.
Christmas is a time of hope. Christmas, in its true spirit, does not mask the fears, doubts, and darkness of the world, but dares to remind us all that hope persists, even though, and even then. Whatever your situation, Christmas is for you too, because Christ is for you. Christ is for everyone.
And if you let Him, He can open your eyes to see the small wonders, quiet miracles, and answers around you.
It’s in the free symphony orchestra concert of Filipino Christmas songs at the university, simple and grand. It’s in seeing high school friends again after an eternity and learning how they’ve come closer to their dreams. It’s in that friend who finally comes home to the Philippines after working a year in Japan. It’s the loved one who finally goes on remission from the Leukemia. It’s in watching your parents open their presents, wide-eyed, like children.
It’s in all the five year olds learning how to pray, and possibly one of them out there, asking for a spaceship.
So what’s your Christmas prayer?
Micah M. Nazal is a freelance writer and digital content producer pursuing a masters degree in public administration at the UP National College of Public Administration and Governance. She worked as a community researcher in PHIVOLCS and plans to continue in the field of disaster risk reduction management in the future. You will likely find her studying in the library or drinking her second cup of coffee.
