Should parents reward their children for good grades? Is money a good form of reward? These questions are commonly asked of me when I give talks. My short answers: Good grades, by themselves, are rewarding. A sense of achievement brings satisfaction. Money is certainly not the best way to motivate children.
What Really is Motivation?
I teach a doctoral course in the university, Motivation in Education, which takes 18 weeks to cover. If there is one good definition of motivation for me, it is by Paul Pintrich: “Motivation is the process whereby goal-oriented activityis instigated and sustained.” (underscores mine)
There are five things we learn from this brief definition: 1.) That as a process, motivation takes time: it does not happen overnight, or merely because of a gift. 2.) That motivation has a direction – a goal. If the goal for the child is to learn, learning is by itself motivating. If the goal is to win more prizes, the rewards have to be increased every time because there is a diminishing return in any form of external reward. 3.) That motivation is an activity; it is active whether mentally or physically. Motivation is a movement from within – internally, not passively gained from outside oneself. 4.) That motivation is hardest at the start as one overcomes inertia to overcome obstacles. 5.) That motivation sustains one for the long haul; it is not a quick and easy token that a prize can equal.
How Does Motivation Come from the Self?
Motivation may be extrinsic or intrinsic. External rewards come from other people’s approval. They may come in the form of objects and praises, gifts and prizes. Intrinsic rewards, however, come from oneself. Whether there are monetary rewards or not, does not matter; as long as an activity is interesting and challenging, a child continues to be motivated. Think of video games: parents do not pay their children to play them; the playing itself is the reward.
Self-motivation happens because an activity arouses your curiosity, or when it is challenging and you have the skills to meet the challenge, and you have certain control and freedom on how to go about doing it.
How is Self-Motivation Related to EQ and IQ?
Self-motivation is a characteristic of one who has both high EQ and high IQ.
People confuse EQ with many other things. EQ is not just about having lots of “friends”, or being popular, or just being nice.
One of the hallmarks of EQ is self-motivation. A person who has high EQ understands that to accomplish anything, he or she must learn to delay his gratification. A student who turns off his game gadget, though gaming is more gratifying, to shift his attention to math homework, which may not seem as exciting but will bring better long-term gratification, has high EQ.
Self-motivation also means to persist despite setbacks. Hence, for example, after struggling with the math problem for half an hour, a student who continues to stay focused and try other strategies gets a high mark in EQ. Through self-motivation, a child may even increase his abilities as he persists, and improves his IQ along the way. The growth mindset begins a virtuous cycle.
Indeed, all parents wish their children to be good in IQ and EQ. But often, parents are excessively worried about their children’s school grades to the detriment of neglecting the affective side of learning. When children are praised indiscriminately and only for their grades, they learn that their self-worth depends on academic success, hence, will try to use any means to achieve success. A wise parent praises a child’s effort as well – even when success is not achieved – because that is more likely to increase their self-motivation.
How Do Parents Model and Teach Self-Motivation?
Self-motivation does not come easy. When we do not enjoy doing something, extrinsic reward does help – at the start. But to transform extrinsic motivation to intrinsic motivation, one normally goes through the process of introjected motivation and identified motivation before motivation finally becomes internalized.
To receive a reward makes a child feel happy. That extrinsic motivation push is introjected when it makes him try to avoid embarrassment for failing in the future. When studying now seems to be interesting because a child is learning new things and gaining progress, he begins to identify with the parents’ value of education. There comes a point when a student actually finds that he enjoys studying and that it is inherently rewarding that he spends more time in his studies as an end itself – for its own sake and not a means for reward.
Wise parents must model this level of motivation in their own work. If money is all there is in work, if cutting corners to achieve success seems to be the name of the game, then they are exhibiting that only extrinsic rewards are worth their efforts. But when parents are, say, doing volunteer work in the community or in the church — which though does not pay, gives so much meaning to their lives, and where they could use their skills to good use and are enjoying the process — then they are demonstrating to their kids what self-motivation truly is.
Some Tips for Parents to Teach their Children Self-Motivation in their Studies
- Enjoy reading – lots of literary materials. Research has shown that the literacy environment at home is more predictive of reading proficiency than classroom instruction or teaching strategies.
- Set aside time for studies and play. By scheduling both, children can pace their work and look forward to a definite time for play. If time is something ambiguous, it would in fact be wasted, with the child wishing to be at play when one should be at work.
- Sequences and consequences. A child should learn that one’s behavior has consequences. By providing him with a “structure” of doing one activity after another, parents are teaching their child that a reward is within his own hands.
- Discipline and rewards. A sense of self-control is satisfying. Reward self-discipline, not only ability. Reward effort, not only grades. Self-motivation and discipline is for life – not only for a semester.
- Books and toys are good rewards. Bringing kids to a bookstore or a toy shop to pick his own choice of books or toys is to keep the virtuous cycle of learning going. Self-motivation thus brings the chance for self-reward.
Dr. Grace Koo is a full professor of educational psychology at the University of the Philippines, Diliman. She writes, speaks, reads, teaches, and learns with self-regulation.
